Simple is Better :]

I have always been a busy body. I HATE being bored ... seriously I literally could die from it. However recently I have found out that it is not being bored that urks me .. it is being BORED ALONE! The past two months have been pretty hard because I've started down a road to self recovery. I have managed to get through the hard times and now I feel like I am standing alone in the middle of a long and narrow road with no one around ... no signs to guide me ... the only thing that I have is myself. Even though this may sound like a bad thing ... I have found the GOOD in all of this :]

First, I am NOT alone. I have God. I have Family. I have ME. I have experienced a lot in my lifetime [and I am only 26yo] and ONLY these THREE things have remained consistent. God has never let me down. He has helped me through the worst of times and has celebrated with me through the best of times. My family no matter what decisions I make or what road I have taken ... they have always been my source of support and strength. I am very blessed to have a family that loves me and doesn't judge me. Me, Myself, and I. I have to admit -- I do tend to talk to myself and I have to admit it HELPS me :]  I love to write and I love to just sit and think about things that go on in my life and how I need to handle them. AND most of the time ... I help myself :]

Second, having this time alone has made me realize what is important in this life. I have made things that don't matter in my life a priority and it has gotten me no where! I have put others feelings in front of mine because I didn't want to make anyone upset or mad at me ... even if it meant I endured the pain. Don't get me wrong, I do care about my friends and the friendships we share, but honestly if we are "Friends" no matter what happens .. we should understand and accept one another for who we are and not for what we can do for each other. Until recently, I have finally accepted that you can't make everyone happy, you can't save every friendship, you will not stay in love with the ones you have fallen in love with, and your number one priority in life should be yourself. Because if you can't make youself happy, then you won't live happily ever after.

Lastly, I have accepted you will never live a perfect life. Nothing is perfect. You just have to make good of what you have because it can always be worse. Wake up everyday with a happy heart and count your blessings. No one is worth your tears only the ones that make your heart happy <3 Every day is a new day and just be happy that you are here to live it :]

-memckee

Freedom

Freedom? What is Freedom? The ability to be who you want to be .. to live the life you want to live .. how you want to live it .. and to make decisions without someone approving it? I am very thankful for those who fight for my freedom and I am very thankful to live in a country where we are FREE. However, I don't feel completely free. I just want to be released from my thoughts and this broken heart. 

Freedom to me is the feeling of being [worry-free.] Freedom is feeling loved unconditionally. Freedom is having a happy heart. Freedom - Freedom - Freedom. I keep battling with myself to feel free again because even though we live in a free country .. I am a prisoner of my thoughts and feelings. I don't know how to pick myself up .. I don't know how to feel [happy] again.

Even though this blog probably is just one big RAMBLE of my thoughts ... I hope that you guys never feel this way. I hope that you find the light at the end of the tunnel that leads you to happiness. Until I can figure out where my life is going to go ... I will remain a prisoner of my thoughts and pray that I eventually crawl out of this "FUNK" that I am in ... and find my smile that comes from my heart.

-MeMcKee

Rough Days

The past couple of days have been some what blah! I have always struggled with anxiety and until the last few years I just always thought that it was just a part of my personality. Through the years my life has been a rollercoaster and to the best of my ability I have tried to deal with the situations the best way I could at the time. I was given advice by family and friends to maybe see a therapist for a professional opinion and maybe they can "medicate" me to where I wasn't so anxious or depressed.  I was hesitant at first because I thought if I was seeing a therapist that I was "crazy." But things started to happen like hair loss and rapid weight loss so I was decided to see a therapist.

After talking to a therapist it helped me realize the reason for my behaviors and how to deal with them. At first, I started to keep a journal. Anytime I started to feel anxious I would pull out my journal and write down how I was feeling and I would begin to feel my anxiety drop and I wouldn't feel so out of control. Also, my therapist thought that maybe being on a low dose of anti-anxiety medication "Paxil" could help me as well, so I took the prescription. Through the months I felt sluggish and I didn't like the side effects of the medicine. So I decided to stay off the medication and I convinced myself that I was a stronger person and that I could control my anxiety myself.

SoOoo ... today I am finding myself in a state of anxiety and depression. This past year has been very rough and this time I have hit rock bottom and this time I only have myself to blame. This time it is much harder to get up and tell myself that everything is going to be okay. This time I am scared and not worried. This time I am filled with sadness and not anger. This time I have lost all control and I don't know what to do.

I have chosen to stay off the medication but I still continue to see a therapist and I have decided to put all control in the hands of my savior, Jesus.  I believe that he is the only one that can save me and I know that he will.  Even though everyday feels like a rollercoaster of emotions or I've been hit by a huge bus, I can only push through these bad days and hold on to the hope that I will see the good days again.

-MeMcKee

Cheers to Me!

I have come to the realization that my happiness starts with ME. It is easier said that done when you struggle with inner conflicts but it can be done. I have surrendered all control to God. I cannot do this thing called LIFE without him and I am not even going to try to do it. 

I am not proud of my past and the choices that I have made but I do not regret them. I can only take the situation and learn from them. I have grown from my experiences and will be a better person because of them.

I have to start with ME, MYSELF, and I! I will not achieve happiness if I am not happy with Norma Jeanette McKee. Right now my struggle is patience. I would like to reach out to my followers and ask what do you do when you are feeling down? What do you do when you are upset? What do you do when you want something so bad but you have no control? Right now, I have occupied my time with going to the gym to boost my self confidence when it comes to my appearance and all I do is work and sleep. Sometimes I find myself just staring at the walls replaying my whole life and missing the good and forgetting the bad.

Each day is a new day and I know that it is up to me to make the most of it! However, I am a firm believer in having a support group and let me tell you ... I NEED ONE! So I am open to any questions and suggestions!

-MeMcKee

Personal Goal

I know that we all make personal goals for ourselves that we often never keep up with and I know that staying FIT is very difficult for the average "MoM" but it can be done! The first thing I have found out is that you work at your own pace. You do what your body allows you to do and maybe a little more. The more you do it .. the better you get and the better you feel!

I know that 9 times out of 10 I look in the mirror and I say to myself "I seriously need to lose this mommy tummy fast!" But then I go downstairs and eat a donut?! So yes not only do you have to have the determination to want to work out but you do have to have the discipline and cut back on the goodie goodness God has put on this earth for us to indulge in!

I find it easier to work out when you have partner, but as of right now I am practicing being independent and doing things on my own. SooOoo! I have decided to use my Playlist on my iPhone as my partner or my motivator!

If anyone has any tips or suggestions on how to get rid of the "mommy tummy" let me know! Or if you have any feedback leave me a comment!

-MeMcKee

Something New

Blogging is all very new to me, but I figure since I like to keep a journal about what is happening in my daily life -- Blogging would be easy. So here we go :]

Today I woke up in a cleaning mood :/ Not that I like to clean but I feel unorganized when the house is a mess! So I spent the first 2 hours of my day cleaning my room. The rest of the day I just spent with my brother and nephew while he cooked up some burgers for lunch.

Now I am just hanging out at the house watching TLC. I honestly don't know why I watched this channel because it is normally on "Say Yes to the Dress" or "A Baby Story" and let's just say these two channels don't really help my situation.

I will have to warn the ones that read my blog. It is going to be just about ME. Just like my Blog Title says. I will have my good days and I will have by bad days. I am not here to put my whole lifes story out there, but I am a normal human being and I will be sharing with you my ups and downs and I am very open to suggestions or even prayers :]

SoOoo with that being said .. I hope you enjoy my blog! I can't wait to follow others and I can't wait to be followed! hehehe :]

-MeMcKee