Rough Days

The past couple of days have been some what blah! I have always struggled with anxiety and until the last few years I just always thought that it was just a part of my personality. Through the years my life has been a rollercoaster and to the best of my ability I have tried to deal with the situations the best way I could at the time. I was given advice by family and friends to maybe see a therapist for a professional opinion and maybe they can "medicate" me to where I wasn't so anxious or depressed.  I was hesitant at first because I thought if I was seeing a therapist that I was "crazy." But things started to happen like hair loss and rapid weight loss so I was decided to see a therapist.

After talking to a therapist it helped me realize the reason for my behaviors and how to deal with them. At first, I started to keep a journal. Anytime I started to feel anxious I would pull out my journal and write down how I was feeling and I would begin to feel my anxiety drop and I wouldn't feel so out of control. Also, my therapist thought that maybe being on a low dose of anti-anxiety medication "Paxil" could help me as well, so I took the prescription. Through the months I felt sluggish and I didn't like the side effects of the medicine. So I decided to stay off the medication and I convinced myself that I was a stronger person and that I could control my anxiety myself.

SoOoo ... today I am finding myself in a state of anxiety and depression. This past year has been very rough and this time I have hit rock bottom and this time I only have myself to blame. This time it is much harder to get up and tell myself that everything is going to be okay. This time I am scared and not worried. This time I am filled with sadness and not anger. This time I have lost all control and I don't know what to do.

I have chosen to stay off the medication but I still continue to see a therapist and I have decided to put all control in the hands of my savior, Jesus.  I believe that he is the only one that can save me and I know that he will.  Even though everyday feels like a rollercoaster of emotions or I've been hit by a huge bus, I can only push through these bad days and hold on to the hope that I will see the good days again.

-MeMcKee